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  • Mood: Thanks
  • Reading: This
  • Watching: Cry Streams: Parasite Eve [P1]
  • Playing: My Keyboard
  • Eating: Sickness
  • Drinking: Diet Coke

Hey. Below this, is all of my favourites up until now. If you're in a similar situation like me, you should probably read them because there are a whole lot of emotions in here that I feel, describing this in better words than I could ever put them. Reading them has helped me a lot in the past couple of days. Whether that be from making new friends, or just knowing that someone else in the world feels the way I do. To anyone who's on this list, keep on fucking writing! Because your shit's amazing!!! ^u^

<da:thumb id="472684215"/><da:thumb id="472572919"/><da:thumb id="472676057"/> who you areif the beat of your own heart
is not enough to convince you
that you are alive
what other evidence would it take
if the fountain of creativity
bursting out your seams
is not enough to convince you
that you are creative
where else could you look
to see who you are
What you should have saidI needed someone to tell me
I was beautiful
I was smart
I was
But you
You never thought to tell me
You let me fall
Believing the words of an earlier fiend
When I should have been believing you.
<da:thumb id="472751250"/> FireI like fire,
Watching it burn and sizzle,
Watching the fire,
Makes me feel numb,
It makes me forget,
All my pain,
All my suffering,
It helps me control,
My need to see,
Blood flow freely,
The fire is peaceful,
Flickering, dimming,
Eventually it'll go out,
I'm like a burning fire,
When I fade I fade,
And everyone will,
Feel the cold,
Everyone will miss,
The warmth.
The EndAll alone
I lie here
the end near
The blood slowly falls
Onto the cold, tile floor
My wrists a bloody
forest of veins
No one will miss me
When my heart stops
No one will notice
Not one
The water warms
My frozen body
My gaze
Seemingly frozen on the ceiling,
Cold and lifeless
The last thing I hear;
The masks we wearThe masks we wear
To hide our true selves
From those around us
The secrets we will take
To our graves and beyond
Never to be said aloud
The thoughts we had
That could never be shared
Eating us from the inside
Trying to resist the
Things we need to say
But can't ever do
The masks we wear
To hide us from the world
And those we call friends
They'll never know
The things that I've seen
And thought and done
They can't comprehend
The pain of being utterly
Alone in our heads
Thinking, hoping, we can
Try to hide the person
Who we truly are
The masks we wear
To avoid revealing what
We are away from them
The things we do in
The time we have alone
Make us need the mask
Trying to find even the
Tiniest fraction of solitude
Finding privacy only in silence
This is what makes
The masks we wear
All worth it.
Brave, Strong and Smart?It's funny
You see
What people think of me
I'm not brave
For I cower in the shadows out of sight
I'm not stong
I manipulate people to fight for me
I'm not smart
I'm just lucky
The Burden of LossTo the one who became my first true friend
It seems our wounds weren’t destined to mend
The murder that should have never occurred
To the bonds we knit so tightly secure
We were closer than water, closer than blood
But liquid is liquid, and washes away like a flood
In the end, these regrets are mine to bear
I wish there was some way to show you I care
And turn back the clock to a time we still shared
To the one who became my bantering brother
I would have never traded you for another
Our jokes were filled with lighthearted scorn
Our jests pierced like quick, but gentle thorns
Through sarcasm we drew closer together
But time slowly loosed our friendship’s tether
It was my mistake for being so blind
And my memories are too quick to remind
Our destinies were never meant to intertwine
To the one who became the block in the road
The one of whom I bear the largest load
I’ve attempted to escape this dead end maze
Treaded it so many times, I’ve created my own ways
Yet t
<da:thumb id="472855602"/> About Her.In the middle of a long forgotten field
Made beautiful by her presence
She sits under the willow
Counting hour after hour
As she waits for the sun to sink under the horizon
A pen whisks it's way across the page
Etching words she cannot verbalize
Filling up the empty spaces in her heart
Explaining the distance in her eyes
Velvet night engulfs her world
A notebook, a pen, and a
Trying-so-hard-not-to-break-but-already-broken girl
She lays her companions down beside her
And turns her tearful gaze up to the sky
Thinking, "Night's like this are worth the pain.
The stars don't know how much joy they bring."
Little did she know
They were thinking
The same thing.
What I am about to tell you is 100% true...What I am about to tell you is 100% true
Roses are blue and Violets are red.
Water is pink and my butts are purple.
You can make your own food and money doesn't exist.
And I never lie.
What I am about to tell you is 100% true.
I have a pet cloud that follows me where ever I go.
My sister is obsessed with her Bleach friends and, oh! Did you hear?
A crime hasn't happened in over 14 years!
And I never lie.
What I am about to tell you is 100% true.
Laughing Jack is my best friend.
I'm secretly Rachel Alucard.
2 BlazBlue characters are named after my first and middle names.
Being compared to Guild Wars 2 characters is like a hobby.
And I never lie.
What I am about to tell you is 100% true.
Country conflicts never existed.
And World Peace is everywhere.
No one fights anyone else.
And different cultures are never discriminated.
And I never lie.
What I am about to tell you is 100% true
Everyone can live without fear.
And they will never die.
We just walk around meeting new people.
And making f
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
by ignoring
her beautiful words
and telling her to
shut up,
keep it down,
nobody cares.
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
Then I Could DieI'm sorry brothers,
So sorry lover,
Forgive me father,
I love you mother.

Can you hear the silence? 
Can you feel her presence? 

I'll wait for her to return,
Or I'll join her down bellow.
Why not live in happiness? 
I fucking love the pain!
The sins turn into ash,
I couldn't forget the crash.
I wish you could see me now,
Living in misery and self torturing. 
The pills no longer work,
My mind's finally stopped.
I'm still sane, not crazy yet.
I like to think you've helped me. 
I don't try to hide them.
The cuts from a blade. 
I don't fight it anymore,
You left and now I'm hopeless. 
I was never good with goodbyes. 
Tried to kill myself, 
Funny how I'm still around. 
Life hasn't been good to me,
And I've only been missing you. 
I still think of you. 
When it's time,
I'll tell them I'm with you,
And I'll call your n
Apologies to a friendYou pour your heart out to me,
and are willing
to submerge me
in an ocean
of love
yet when I see the water
rushing towards me,
I convince myself
I don't like
to swim
My HeartMy heart
I wanted to give you my heart,
But it fell apart,
Shattering into little pieces,
With my love oozing out of the creases.
I thought I would be alone forever,
Roaming the earth without a lover.
Being disconnected and empty,
Never complete or happy.
Then you came along,
Making me feel like I belong.
You smiled and hugged me,
And never judged me.
I watched you pick up all the pieces of my heart,
That was all over the place, apart.
You made it whole,
With the pure essence of your soul.
Together we are complete,
Our life is happy and sweet.
You fixed my heart with your love and energy,
Now I can love you freely.
A Kind Heart.I may not wear the fanciest clothes.
I may not wear the shiniest jewelry.
I may not wear high heels.
I may not wear booty shorts.
I may not be the most stylish person.
I may not be a beauty queen.
I may not be a model.
I may not be the trendiest person.
I may not be a size eight.
I may not be the most popular person,
Or the most fashionable.
Do you know what I do have?
A kind heart.
A kind heart that is loving, empathetic and caring.
I may not be the best looking person in the world but I am a good person.
That's all that matters.
A kind heart always trumps even the most beautiful of features.
Yes, I'm DepressedYes, I'm Depressed
I won't deny that I'm depressed 
because there is really no point in lying. 
If you look in my eyes, you'll see the pain
and how I've grown worn from fighting a losing battle. 
My lips used to form a smile
that would blow people away and I was always told
that my smile was beautiful and filled with joy,
but now these lips have grown numb
from letting hopeless pleas
slip from between the crevice they form.
My arms used to be clear of scars
until I fell apart and gave into my pain 
all those months ago when I just broke into pieces.
Now they have old scars from long
battles that I tried hard to win 
but ended up being defeated. 
I refuse to deny my depression
and I see no point in hiding my past pain
because I am human and sadness is human.
I've recently come to the realization depression
isn't always bad. 
It's only bad when people give in to the point
Five Truths I Never Spokei. Fuck you.
People say you shouldn’t end things on a bad note
because god forbid you regret it later,
but I think this was the only truth you ever said to me
and i wish I could learn how to mean it right back
even when my hands aren’t shaking,
then maybe it would finally span the miles between these
two lonely islands.
I always knew I was a bit too much for most people
but I never deserved the words you layed out
(or the ones you held back)
and it took me far too long to come to terms with that.
ii. I give up.
I was never much of a quitter because
I never really participated in anything,
but this game has gone on far too long for my liking
and I’m rather tired of shitting around.
I am the worst with goodbyes but
there is something about you
that’s been gone much longer than you’ve been around,
so I guess I never really said hello in the first place.
Maybe I’ll see you around when you’re whole again,
but today I am leaving you behind, and
I can
Johnlock Poem: Blue Roses and Red VioletsRoses are blue
Violets are red
You're a genius
That's easily said
Your hair is dark
As your skin is light
And your eyes shine
Like two stars
Here in the night
The coat you wear
Like wings when you run
Soul alive as you have fun
Keeping boredom at bay
Luck shining on the day we met
You mean more to me
Then you will ever know
Happy Valentine's Day
John H. Watson-Holmes
Angel Boy-I found him-
Broken and bruised,
Crushed beneath a
On the shore
Of some
I bent down
To kiss
Him and the
Dried blood on his
Tasted like bitter
That lived too
(Tried to
Forget what used to be
Forget the times I've been there
Forget our relationship
Forget who cared for you when you were down
Forget the person who listened to your pain
...F O R G E T...
...The wall between us used to be so easy to tear down...
...But now it's impossible...
I've tried to return everything to the way it used to be
...but it's a little bit to late...
I've put in effort to try to help you, to listen to you,
to make you realize your mistakes but you take every advice I give
you as nothing.
It hurts to know that my words mean
When we've been there for each other in our darkest times.
I just learned to give up because I'm sick of being ignored
and my words meaningless.
...I'm sorry that I won't be there for you like I used to be....
...I'm sorry that next time I won't be there to listen to your pain...
...I'm sorry the next time you hurt, I'll just be standing there...
My trust in you faded overtime.
And maybe it was the same for you.
And maybe we just
An Apology To Everyone I'm sorry that my dance classes cost too much money. 
I'm sorry that my jokes are never even remotely funny. 
I'm sorry that I laughed when I should have held it in. 
I'm sorry that I've made mistakes and lied and failed and sinned. 
I'm sorry that anxiety has made my eyes get small. 
I'm sorry that my crying seems to drive you up the wall. 
I'm sorry that we're magnets, seemingly both set at south. 
I'm sorry that I'm always letting words flow from my mouth. 
I'm sorry that my fingernails aren't perfect, clean, or straight.
I'm sorry for the things I've said and done and turned in late. 
I'm sorry that my interests aren't things that you like to do.
I'm sorry for not running fast enough away from you. 
Im sorry that my cherry cheeks are always topped with salt. 
I'm sorry for existing, but that's really not my fault.
I'm sorry for wasting precious time when no one will forgive
All the awful things I've caused, as long as I still l
With blue eyes and brown hair
I'm the girl you'd least expect to be in pain. 
I'll put on a smile and a show for everyone around
and make it seem like I'm okay so that 
when others aren't okay, they feel like they can come 
to me for encouragement. 
But I'm the girl who's had her heart broken,
the one who is scared to trust people
and worries even though the new relationship
is going to be fine. 
I'm the girl who can't look at herself in the mirror
and see beauty 
because I can't get past the weight I've gained
or the broadness of my shoulders
and the size of my breasts. 
I'm the girl who wants to feel perfect 
but knows that perfection is a lie and I can never
achieve it because it doesn't exist.
I'm the girl who wants to please others 
and who longs to feel loved
but has given up trying to please the unpleasable
because that is just an impossible fantasy.
I'm the girl with scars on my arms 
because I gave in to my pain and l
Using YouYou're down,
yet to find rest,
all that surround,
just seem to use you,
no matter who they are,
always asking,
always wanting,
you are but one person,
who can only do so much,
but pressing onward they do,
pressing your skin into the pavement,
pressing your feelings into the dirt,
thinking of themselves,
and what is best for them,
using your kindness,
taking advantage of you,
what else will they do,
cause all they're really doing,
is just using you....
I WishI wish I could help
Reach out and grab your problems
Tear them away
Or all-at-once
Until nothing remained
But your joy
Your happiness
But I can’t.
And I don’t know what pains me more…
The tortures you endure alone
Or the fact that I can’t be there for you
I wish I could sweep you away in my arms
Outrun the hounds of hell themselves
But I can’t.
All I can do is watch from afar
And hope
Hope you are stronger than I am
UntitledIf I die tomorrow,
I want my funeral to play music
At my wake,
Which I listened to in life
And made me feel alive again.
Because I know, others will need reminding.
If I die tomorrow,
I want everyone to dress in black
At my funeral
and wear eyeliner,
As though it were war paint.
Like I did, every Saturday morning.
Not because it represents my
old long gone
Habits of sorrow.
But because it's what I did,
To remind myself I wasn't alone.
Because they will need some strength, too.
If I die tomorrow,
I want the flowers placed around
My grave,
To be potted, planted
and alive.
Not cut from life and decaying, like me.
Because when I'm in the grave,
And people come to
remember me-
I want them to reflect on how
Even in death...
I was too kind, to be cruel...
StitchesAt first it was an admiration,
Like a frail moth hovering near a balcony light,
But things soon twisted into something more sinister,
The moth now writhes on the ground after setting itself alight,
and it smiles...
I fell in love with every single part of you,
And I knew it was absurd,
But the obsession took a hold of me,
Where the line between two realities becomes distorted and blurred.
I wanted to be like you, act like you,
And breathe from your precious lungs,
I tried to mould our two identities,
And twist them into one.
Idols and inspirations,
The living gods on Earth,
A dangerous obsession,
It creeps up and takes possession,
Of everything inside of me that should be suppressed and never shown.
You’re the essence of perfection to me,
Or at least the nearest thing like it you can possibly get,
I know we’ve had our vicious fights and tears where shed,
But how can I stay mad at you forever....?
...I mean, you haven’t even met me yet.
I know my reflection
Can I Just Be Real?Can I Just Be Real?
Can I just be real, just for a moment
and tell you who I really am and where I've been?
Can I drop the formalities and be myself
and let you into my world,
show you the pain behind my smile,
and the tears hidden in my eyes?
Let me open up and share my story,
the pain of my past
and the misery I've felt. 
I've grown up in a Christian household
but I chose to call myself a Christ follower.
For years, life was amazing 
and then I entered freshmen year
when I fell in love with a boy
with height of 6'2"
whom I thought looked upon me
like I was a diamond among rocks.
I gave my heart to him 
and since then it has never been whole.
He treated me like a toy;
like I was his property and he had the right
to put me through hell 
and send me spiraling into depression. 
He left me in tears with the shattered
pieces of my broken heart in my hands
not once, but twice 
because I was so fo
Three DaysDay One
It's a Sunday.
The sun is shining brightly.
I'm dressed up for church.
I let go of my anger for him
and embraced my love for you.
That night, I worked.
I worked hard to help others;
told them about God
and how we need to do our job
to reach out to others.
Went home and emailed you,
you didn't respond til morning.
But I though of you
and how I love you
and how you love me.
Day Two
Monday came around
and you said I wouldn't see you
the next day; it hurt
and I admit that I might have
cried just a bit.
But I love you still.
I had a bad day though.
Went to a revival service
and just felt so cold,
so empty, and so alone.
I went home and spoke
to a guy friend of mine
and we talked about random food
but still, I only
really wanted to talk to you.
Day Three
Tuesday rolled in
and I knew I wouldn't see you
and you said they were
keeping us apart.
That felt like a knife to the heart.
But deep down,
I knew that one day
things would work out
for you and I
just like they always do.
That's wha

Mature Content

Goodbye to Your LiesI waited up
night and day.
Never imagined
that you'd walk away.
I believed every
word you said.
I thought you loved me
but it was all in my head.
I waited through
'six weeks of hell'
and was heart broken
when you said farewell.
I cried for days
because of you.
And guess what,
now I'm through.
I'm long gone now.
I wouldn't come back
to you even if
you were to ask.
I've moved on
and I'm happy again.
I've found someone who's
more of a gentleman.
This isn't revenge,
but I managed to find hope.
And now through all the pain
I have a way to cope.
And you're no longer
my joy.
I refuse to be
your toy.
You can't hold me
any longer.
After the pain you gave me
I've come out ten times stronger.
So you can hate me
all you want.
But beat me...
you cannot.
I have won against you.
No longer can you succeed.
Because now I'm taking control
and I have been freed
Of the chains
you used to hold me down.
I'm not staying
her now.
So I guess this
is my goodbye
to all your
silly, silly lies.
Once Upon A TimeOnce upon a time,
I loved you
and I once believed
that you loved me too.
I was hurt to find
that I was so wrong
and that I was living in
a fairy tale all along.
You lied to me and I was foolish
to believe your words
for your words of love
were never heard.
And once upon a time
I moved on
and decided that I really needed
to try and be strong.
I did my best to keep
my head held up high,
but I still believed
you little lies.
But now I really,
really must say
that forever and
starting today
I will no longer dwell
upon the past
and of the pain you caused
for it can not last.
I should tell you
that I'm quite happy now
and I'll be nice
and tell you how.
You see, I found love
in someone new;
someone loving and faithful,
unlike you.
God brought this
blue eyed man
into my life
and sparked up a plan.
I've long moved on
and I really feel sorry for you
because you're lost without
a love that is true.
So once upon a time
I grew up and grew strong
and found someone
who was truly there all along.
that I still live after all this time.
From all of my travails, trials and such,
by all rights, I should no longer be here.
that I have a roof over my head tonight.
I could just as easily be walking the streets,
a rock for a pillow and the sidewalk for a bed.
that I have a family that loves me for me.
I could just as easily be forgotten and alone,
merely marking time until the Reaper claimed me.
that I have plenty to eat, and to drink as well.
I could just as easily have a rumbling tummy,
and a thirst that cannot be quenched for any reason.
that you took the time to read this poem, my good friend.
If we only concentrated on what we do have in our lives,
then we could be a much happier species in a happier world.
Life can do Terrible Things
Please read description first, thank you
Go back a few years, maybe then I could see
That everything I did was just so depressing.
That's when I met boy next door, he was the greatest.
Can't you see? He was everything to me...
He said 'Girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I couldn't help but notice, that drawing you see.
Don't be sad, I can help if you please.
I'll be here.' He said with a smile you see.
Now friends, I'm only telling you this because
Life can do terrible things.
Now, most of the time we would just laugh at it all,
The horrors in our life, you see there?
We were the same, and that's all that mattered.
Love was a story that couldn't compare.
I said 'Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I was just thinking how lovely it'd be
If you could stay, forever with me?
I think I love you, now can you see?'
Now friends, I'm only telling you this because
Life can do terrible things.
You'll learn one day, I hope and I wish
That Life will show you differently...
He said 'Gir
Under the Same SkyUnder the Same Sky
Tonight, I look up at the sea of clouds and stars
that reside above and outside our world
and I can't help but think of you
and how you're so far away.
We're separated by many miles and many states
and I miss you more and more 
each day,
each hour,
each second.
Being separated from you is painful,
it always has been, 
but now more than ever.
As I'm looking at this beautiful masterpiece of space,
I begin to drift into a day dream,
well, a night dream since the sun is gone
and the moon has taken over to rule the night;
I begin to dream of you and of us
and of your smile and your eyes.
I dream of us,
our memories,
and our love story.
It's the best love story there is 
and I wouldn't change it at all
because it has given me life and love. 
Dreaming about you and our love,
I remember that no matter how far away you are
and no matter how great the distance
is that separates us,
we are still under the s
What's the Point of Life?What's the Point of Life?
You asked me once what the point of life was
because you just can't seem to find the will to go on. 
I could understand where you were coming from.
We live in a broken world
filled with sin and despair
and covered in hatred and bitterness. 
Who would want to live here?
I certainly don't, but I still want to live
because I see value in my life 
and I want to reach out to others. 
You said you couldn't see the point in living. 
I've heard that so many times from so many people.
Is there any point in living?
The answer is yes. 
God put us all here for a reason.
We need to be a light to the rest of the world
because if no one else does it,
who will?
It's up to us to make a difference
because there are people who desperately 
need our help
and we need to be there.
That is the point of life. 
Life isn't about us, 
it's about those who need us.
<da:thumb id="473229902"/><da:thumb id="473205255"/><da:thumb id="473340719"/> Kill TimeListen good
I demand to be understood
Cry me a mote
Build me a tower
Do not wish to die
Every second...
Every minute...
Of every hour...
Instead of yourself, kill time
By climbing up that tower
Exempt yourself of your crime
Rid yourself of that sick, emotional slime
Don't you dare cower
And higher up you climb...
Hear the whispers of the Angels chime
Brush your finger against the cleansing thyme
Take a moment to realize
It is not with your surging heart we idealize
I urge you to theorize
And higher up you climb...
You have reached the stars and the moon
Pushed past the sky
A more lovely purpose to swoon
Than to swoon as your pulse fades and you die
Silent ScreamsEyes in the night
Pierce through my soul
Shining so bright
Taking control
Cover my windows
To keep them out
When the wind blows
I hear them shout
There are no words
Only silent screams
They cut like swords
Into my dreams
I'm In HereI'm in here
can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I'm a prisoner in my own body
A wish against a will
I can't seem to get to their side
To them, I only want to kill
My guilt out ways my victory.
my victory's a sin
I can not even tell you
and I don't know where to begin
I'm left alone in sorrows
I'm about to loose my head
I'm in the middle, as always
Sometimes I wish to be dead
Can anybody find us?
Is there a compass to who we are?
Which one of us is the real one?
Which one will take us far?
I'm silent to the others
but inside I'm screaming loud
I'm begging for forgiveness
I'm calling out aloud
An enemy to thousands
a death wish from one
a friend became a nemesis
who is this monster i've become
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
Look inside and find the real one
the one you've always felt
They tell me I'm a murderer
They scream it in my face
like I'm supposed to choke when swallowing it
Like I have killed the human race
I know the sins I've committed
and I know that they are mad
Loneliness EchoesLoneliness Echoes in silence or a crowd.
At times the voices around you
Do nothing but make the hole bigger.
When the emptiness grows,
It swallows you whole.
The depression that's left
From the growing loneliness,
Sends you deeper and deeper still.
Until you're so deep,
In that dark, dark depression,
That your friends become shadows in the gloom.
They reach for you,
But you pull away,
For the shadows bring fear to your heart.
For what if they hurt you,
Those shadows in the dark?
Isn't it easier to be alone?
If you know nothing of friendship,
How can you be lonely?
If you know nothing of kindness,
Can you be hurt?
But the shadows,
They live in your heart and your soul,
Those voices that keep you awake.
The loneliness dwells in naught but in you,
And you
Must find
<da:thumb id="473713178"/> UntitledI wrote you a song,
but you'll never hear it.
I found the heart you lost,
but I've decided to keep it
because compared to all
that you've stolen from me,
this is nothing.
I'll hang it on the zip lines
and take it to heaven and back;
then I'll leave it out to dry
on the telephone wires
with the bloody sheets
and aching memories.
You'll see it again, I promise,
but it will be just as mutilated
as I was the day you came to me
and you won't recognize it.
Then you'll know what it feels like
to produce nothing but
ListenStop whatever you're doing
Don't listen to those fake thoughts
Put your hand over your heart
Do you feel that
Do you feel the beat
You're body is pulsating
With life
With love
And with light
And if you listen close enough
You can actually hear that in those beats
It's like listening to a clock ticking through time
Now, that's how to REALLY listen to your heart
And once you hear it's beauty
You'll want to hear more
So maybe it's time that you listen to someone else's heart too
Because sometimes
Hearts beat in sinc
Just like how my heart beats for you
So dear
Let's take a break from this nightmare
Put your head on my chest
And listen
As my heart beats for you
And let our hearts gradually beat slower
And slower
As we fall asleep
Into a better dream
Ok dear
BurnCan you hear me?
Can you see me?
Do you fear me?
Could you be me?
What do you think?
Could it be true?
Is it possible,
That I could be you?
Well, dear,
What do you say?
You sense that I'm here,
And I'm here to stay.
The words don't come out right,
The pain just stays in,
And there's nothing you can do about it,
No way you can win.
So let me hold you,
And watch you burn.
From dust you came,
To dust you return.
Blend InWith sharp words and empty smiles
You discovered the will and strength that I was lacking
You took a swing at me and liked the power
So you just kept on attacking
You pushed me down and hovered over me
You lunged at old scars and kept on hacking
Your grin full of satisfaction and eyes full of venom
Because you could see I was breaking and cracking
Then I'm not quite sure what happened next
But I was aware of your feet clicking and clacking
Though I knew you were fleeing
I was unaware of what sent you packing
As I picked myself up, my vision was blurring
I collapsed in a corner, my mind slurring and slacking
My wish to "blend into the scenery" had come true
As I slipped away and became part of the wall to which I was still backing
My feelingYes, I feel numb
so soon I'm going to succumb.
Yes, I'm full of dirt
& this will never convert.
Yes, I love my pain
whatever I try to feign.
Yes, I can certify
my body is going to mortify.
Yes, i'm suicidal
& this is my very ideal.
I ask myself
What is love?
What is hope?
What is home?
And then I realise
It’s nothing to know
But to feel.
Should I...
Should I...
I'm all alone, sitting alone
In the rain like a cold stone.
No where to go, nothing to do
But of course this is nothing brand new.
What should I do, where should I go?
Should I stay or should I flow?
My body is weak like an icy thin peak.
Over and over again the rain pours on my head,
Leaving a showdown that casts my dreams,
As fast as the tears that run down my cheek...
What should I do? I've only begun,
Should I walk or should I run?
There's not much choice as I'm only alone
Yet I'm beginning to break from the cold stone.
My ice is melting, breaking from its peak,
I feel like I, me am no longer bleak.
FreeI Can Go Insane Now, I Have No One To Care For Anymore, Hate Me? I Would Careless, But Your Death Will Be Caused By My Bare Hands, Insane Asylum........Has A Good Ring To It, I like It, I Wonder What Should I Do To Be Able To Get There?
Hmmm? There Are So Many Things To Do, But First I Want To Do Something I've Always Wanted To Do.....Kill....Will I Care To Kill Someone To Have Blood On My Hands? To Be Honest....I Would...CARELESS I WANT TO I WANT TO SEE THERE WARM RED LIQUID ON MY HANDS! HAHAHAHAHAHA, I'm Not Trying To Be Insane, You Don't Become Insane Your Born With It, We All Are Born With It, You Just Need To Let Your Insanity Take Over, Listen To The Voices And Let The Darkness Come Out, Open The Door To The Darkness And Let The Darkness Take Over You, You Won't Regret It, I Don't Hehehe, Now I Shall Color The World With My Beautiful Colors And Make It Become MINE.
I Wonder......Who Should I Kill First?
Words are funny little things,
That give you stings.
Some are good and some are bad,
Some may even make you mad.
Words can rhyme and works can flow,
Tell you things you didn't know.
It's funny when you think,
How a tiny dot of ink,
Can tell so many truths,
Whilst hidden amongst books,
And when you string that ink along,
And make it flow into a song,
It makes you sing.
You know,
Words are funny little things.
LoveLove is the greatest feeling
Love can bind us together
Love can unite us
Love can makes us inspire
Love can make our life better
Love is the greatest thing of all
LonelyI feel so numb as if I'm emotionless
I feel so empty as if an empty void is around me
Nothing but darkness
Nothing but emptiness
Nothing but loneliness
InsanityIsn't it ironic if you question your sanity then you're considered sane?
Or is it more ironic that the more sane you consider yourself the more likely you've lost your mind
The mind is a mysterious place, a happy escape for some... While a deadly battlefield for others
Poke around inside your own head and what will you find?
Your inner demons waiting to tear you apart? Ghost from your past still haunting you? Or "friends" you've left behind in the dust.
Insanity is a funny thing, not that I would know at all. But me saying that... Am I insane? Or is it all just some kid claiming insanity like the rest.
Who knows maybe I'm just broken, but what the difference?
The FoolConvince those around you that your smile is still real
Hide those emotions that you continue to feel
Pretend that your wounds have begun to heal
She's the one who running through your mind
Looking into your heart and it's her you'll find
If only you could make time rewind
It's funny because these words are meant for me
I was once in love you see...
But in the end it couldn't be
I can never return back to that time
Falling in love my was my biggest crime
I guess it's time for this fool to end this rhyme
Sunny DaysSunny Days
My child, look upon the sky.
Tell me, what do you see?
The air is filled with rain clouds
and it's as dark as can be.
Dear daughter, yes it's raining.
Yet, that's just a part of life.
Learn to accept that the road
we walk is filled with strife.
But don't forget, darlin',
there will always be a rainy day,
yet the sun is only hiding
and waiting until it can stay
and give life and light to the world.
The sky may be clouded and sad,
but sunny days are around the corner.
Life isn't so bad.

Mature Content

Heart of GlassHeart of Glass
She doesn't think anyone understands
that her heart 
is made
of glass.
How fragile it has become 
that she will protect it with her all
in fear that it will shatter again
and she will have to pick up
the pieces
of broken glass
once more.
And she wants to feel alive;
she wants to feel free
and without this constant fear
that she has
to protect
her heart.
She wants to love without
because terrified of betrayal.
He doesn't seem to understand
that betrayal 
has scarred 
her forever. 
Yes, the wound from it is not a scar,
but the pain remains
and it still stings,
knowing the one
she trusted
killed her inside. 
How can she not be scared when 
that happened and broke her?
It was traumatizing. 
She broke.
She cried.
She died.
"Please, love, understand that you
don't need to compete at all.
Just know that I was killed that day,
on the inside.
I stitched my heart
back together."
The end of the whorePeople call me any dirty name
I understand, only myself blame.
They always call me freak
I know because I look bleak.
They point to me:
(That woman is very bad)
who cares if I'm sad.
People call me piece of shit
& they directly to my face spit.
They call me witch, bitch, & whore
They deeply in my heart gore.
They really love seeing me gone
I will obey & use my gun
TONIGHT, the mission will be done.
<da:thumb id="474269137"/> DrowningI have fallen,
A great fall.
The cry of birds
The howl of wolves
The whimper of dogs
They encompass me
Air rushes though my hair
I see a black mass
Before me
I brace up
Deeper, deeper
My being sunk
My soul singed
An everlasting furnace
Grasped my heart
Lub Dub, Lub Dub
Sang the chorus
An orchestra led by me
Directed by me
Strung by me
This is my path
My future.
I have built the bridge,
Connecting different worlds,
And I alone shall walk it.
Mistakes were made
Friends were lost
Regret still lingers on
Like a foul disease
A wound,
A deep wound
But I shall overcome.
Accompanied by none
This is my journey
A turbulent voyage
Through a river of grief, a sea of terror, an ocean of doubt
A tempestuous expedition
Through a field of failure, a plain of aguish, a forest of remorse
I shall overcome.
I have drowned
I have lived
I have become
I fear nothing.
I shall overcome
A ThoughtI take the beauty from pain,
Revel in it's purity.
In this unfathomable ecstasy,
I cry.
The voice murmurs incoherently,
I feel it's piercing words.
A powerful thought seeded.
To Betray the ones you love,
To remain in this damned life.
A pugatory I deserve,
To never be saved from this limbo.
I continue with this beautiful pain,
Forever taking this hatred.
Never able to forgive.
Never wanting to forget.
MemoriesMemories haunt you,
Make your skin crawl
As they fester inside
And leave your heart to rot
The happy moments that are gone
The sad times just beginning
Every angry thought and mournful whisper,
Every regret you never voiced
Everything you buried
Rushing up to play.
Memories follow you,
Nipping at your heels as you leave them
Banging on the door you close on them
Because you must never forget.
Memories will chase you.
Memories will swarm you.
They will never let you go.
So let's make memories worth remembering.
TiredI am so tired.
My body just aches,
even if I just lay on my bed
and do nothing.
I cannot even drag my body
through out this house of mine.
I can already feel myself
unable to keep this fake smile
for my family.
At times when I lay in bed,
I can feel my heart beat
slower than usual.
When I notice that,
it tends to tighten up
and I just feel like crying.
Are days usually this slower?
Or maybe time is just keeping
things slow to torture my soul.
Sleeping is the only time where
I just feel at ease.
I'm exhausted.
I want to lie down in my bed,
just once more.
I want to sleep.
I want to sleep only once more
and never wake up.
I want to be at peace....
Smile Just OnceExplain the dreams that pervade all nights of solitude and bliss, the thoughts of the one who's never met or even real we'll miss
Or better yet unravel the tale of one a person hates, yet after a kind word and a gentle smile, that anger abates
Tell the story of a man whose lips are always sealed, and a woman who saw that and heart toward him concealed
Constantly in each others' presence but not saying hello, neither of them feeling the need for friendliness to show
Spill the facts about how the girl finally broke the war, complimenting him on something, resetting the score
Imagine the shock on that girls face as when she spoke and said, "Hi," the first time they broke the silence, the man was not so shy
All of the time she had thought that he had had a heart of stone; picture her amount of delight when his smile had grown
Two individuals in the same place who never shared a word, when the whole time the problem was that neither of them had heard
Meditate on that girl's thoughts as the
FeelingHow am I to be rid of this feeling?
I feel it deep within my soul,
a burning feeling where my heart aches
deep in my chest.
I do not know why this feeling stings.
I have not done anything to anyone,
have I?
I am certain no one is mean to me,
quite true where I have all these people
to love and cherish me.
Then why do I feel this way?
What selfish reason is there for me
to act like a putrid monster.
I hold my plush close to my heart and
speak against its ear,
pretending that it can hear me soothes my soul.
It is like all those years ago,
where the feeling first started and I begin to cry.
The difference between then and now,
is that this feeling now feels...
Threads, weaving in and out
of the broken pieces;
pulling each piece
back together once more.
Slowly, pieces become a whole
with stitches holding
it all together as one.
This worn heart of mine.
On LoveOn Love
Love is more than a feeling,
and from my experience..
love is quite painful.
Being in love
and it
is anything but easy.
The thing about love is
that although it
can feel like you're dying inside,
it is the MOST AMAZING
feeling in the world.
Love is bittersweet.
It's rain when it's shining.
It's an oasis in the desert.
It's a smile through tears.
Love is the BEST feeling
that one could ever feel.
I don't regret being in
because the joy I feel
is worth the pain.
Pencil racing back and forth.
strings vibrating and making noise.
Keys being hit to make words.
Stories being pieced together.
Drama shown on television.
All of these are my distractions.
They help me forget
all the stress, worry, and pain
that I feel.
Tell me, am I the only one
who needs distractions
to get through this hard
<da:thumb id="474741627"/> I Keep On Living
My body is failing
Each day it gets harder
More painful
Every breath
Every step
Even the smile on my face
It hurts to live
But for you I keep on living
You are the only reason I fight
To stay alive in this world
I am so close to giving in
Throwing in the towel
Giving up and quitting
But for you I keep on living
Seeing you smile
Hearing you laugh
Even if its for a little while
Makes it all the bearable
Even when it hurts to breathe
Hurts to eat
Hurts to live
But for you I keep on living
You make it worth the fight
Even though I haven't
The strength to fight
You  are the reason I am alive
You give me reason
To make it through the night
I will not die
Because for you I keep on living
Dream World
I close my eyes
I see your face
You're so close
I can reach out
Almost touch you
Then you fade away
The scene shifts
Now you're leaving
I chase after you
You get farther
And farther away
Then you are gone
Disappear from sight
The scene shifts
Now we are fighting
To stay together
We hold on tight
Tighter and tighter
Our grips begin to slip
You are pulled from me
Taken away from me
I scream for you
You don't come back
I wake up
I look around for you
I don't see you near
I call to you
Then I wake up more
Then you're holding me
Wiping at my face
It was just a nightmare
You're still here
Still safe
Still with me
Never going to leave me
. . .
Or is this still a dream?
<da:thumb id="474748965"/><da:thumb id="474902262"/> I Don't KnowI don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Who is he?
Why is he here?
Should I trust him?
Or should I run away?
He is popular
Has many admirers
And they talk about him with eyes glazed
Do I want to become that?
Can I stop myself?
I love him, I think...
Do I?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Resting without peaceTrapped in moments of love & hate
Years passed; but laid awake
Mind paused [but body aged]  
Dried out, decomposed    
Brittle leaves, an aged rose
On an unmarked grave
As faint aroma of death swirls
I still wait [six feet below]
For you
The Hourglass NooseHow do we know
how to keep track of it all
blood to wall
chisel to stone
seals us all in monotone
weaved papyrus
quill to book
saviour deny us
an escape being mistook
the 'born-frees'
the fighting pleas
no subtlety
just naivety
forced together
torn apart
master of sadism
loves darkest art
to cast light on thyn art
incapacitate the sundial
stationary arc
times mobility receives denial
jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack left impaled
on truths candlestick
time forces us together
yet you inevitably fall onto corpses below
matter it does not whether shallow or deeper
as slaves of time
we are all equal,in the eyes of the reaper.
I Swore I Wouldn't Fall in LoveI Swore I Wouldn't Fall in Love
In December, I swore I wouldn't fall in love
and set up walls to hide my heart
so no one could hurt me like he did.
I swore I'd keep to myself,
that I'd stay alone and not mess with others.
I swore I wouldn't fall in love.
January came, month after my breakup,
and then I thought I fell for you
and your perfect smile and shining eyes
and that little laugh you'd do
whenever you got embarrassed.
I forgot that I swore I wouldn't fall in love.
July came, and I soon realized
that you and I were meant to be.
I knew I wanted to be by your side for the rest
of my life on this earth and even in heaven too.
On July first, I finally realized
that what had sworn really came true.
I swore I wouldn't fall in love
and to that I have held true.
Because the thing is,
just as I had sworn,
I didn't fall.
I flew.
A mask
Wear a mask
I wear a mask
A mask that hides my face
A face that expresses my pain
A pain that rules my heart
A heart that is truly in vain
TwistI'll draw how I feel
If you really insist
It'll be a small picture
But you'll get the gist
Though it comes with a price
And it comes with a twist
For the "pen" is a razor
And the "parchment" is my wrist
FallI accidentally
Read those words again
"Fall Apart"
And that's exactly
What I did
I turned to you
Head down
Eyes watering
And asked
"Do you think
That I might
Fall apart
And you said
That you
Didn't know
But you did know
That you
Would do anything
You could
To help prevent it
"But ultimately
It isn't
Up to me"
You said
Then I worried
Because you are my strength
But then
You lifted up my chin
With your gentle grasp
And gazed into
My pool of tears
With your very own
And said
"Even if you do
End up broken again
I will still be there
To pick up the pieces
I promise"
And then
With you
By my side
In my heart
I knew I wouldn't fall apart again
We'd fall togeter
<da:thumb id="474981403"/> I-it H-hurts...The memories of it all,
The pain, the misery,
All flashing back to me in waves.
Reliving the pain,
Every smack,
Every venom laced word,
All of it.. It hurts.. It hurts..
Not knowing what I can do,
Too afraid to speak up or say anything,
Too afraid of doing something wrong..
Too afraid of being hurt,
Too afraid of hurtful words..
Too afraid of pain..
It hurts... I'm afraid...
I-it hurts... I-I'm terrified... I-IT HURTS!
M-make it all go away... Make it all go away... M-MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!
I'm just a frightened, wounded, child on the inside...
Be YourselfWe all are judged by the way we look or dress because we don't copy the rest ...
But death don't discriminate us by the way we look or dress
So stand out say fuck the rest because its whats on the inside that counts
Don't let haters get you down
The Cheater
I did it for love
Now I hate you
It hurts so bad
I want it all to end
I hurt myself
Over loving you
I want you to die
You wrecked my life
You took away
What was precious to me
You want me back?
You just want me on the shelf
For when your new life
Falls apart
You never loved me
You just lied to me
Used me
Abused me
Broke me
I'm finally whole again
And you want to ruin it
I won't let you
You had your chance
Now its time for you to leave
I never want to see you again
You are nothing to me
I sacrificed so much for you
You just threw it in my face
Now you try to force yourself upon me?
You are a low, sick being
I will not bow to you no longer
Your hold over me is gone
Its over
Its BEEN over
Now you're the one
Thats living a LIE
<da:thumb id="475015285"/> Change ~Is a scary thing.
Is a difficult thing.
Is something we need at certain times of our lives.
Cant be avoided forever.
Cant be dodged indefinitely.
Cant always be a bad thing if we keep on trying for a good outcome.
Also can be exciting.
Also can be alright.
Also Sometimes is for the best if we need something different.
Never stops happening.
Never stops being difficult at first when we are set in our ways.
Never has to be the complete end of a journey, and rarely is the end.
Doesn't always need to be fast.
Doesn't always need to be slow.
Doesn't always have to be at a pace we are uncomfortable with.
Of our selves is a difficult journey.
Of our selves can be done.
Of our lives is worth attempting for the sake of a better tomorrow.
Is what will happen eventually to all of us.
Is what some of us look forward too in certain situations.
Is in the future for those who need more fro
I'm Not Strong EnoughI’m broken, tired, and worn down
All my days seem to go the same way
I barely want to get out of bed
I hardly ever look into the mirror
I know I won’t like what I’ll see
You stole my voice
You stole my heart
You stole my imagination
All you seem to do is take, take, and take
When you give it’s mostly tears, sadness, and problems
Nothing you do is ever good
I am weak when you are strong
You like to kick me when I am down
I’m definitely not good enough
You stole my hope
You stole my dreams
You stole my stability
All you seem to do is take away all my control
I have no means of defending myself
All I can do is make myself hurt more
It’s a never ending cycle
No matter what anyone thinks I always seem to be with you
Not everyone understands me
I appear to be strong, but that is not the case
Anyone can put on a mask and hide their feelings
I wish it would end, but I’m not strong enough…
MadmanHe was the person everyone stayed away from
The person they were scared of
At least they had a reason
He growled at anyone who came near him
Not the playful growl of a puppy, or a child playing make-believe
It was the unsympathetic snarl of a ruthless predator
And each hunt made him stronger and more experienced
And he laughed at pain
Not the warm, inviting chuckle of a grandmother, nor the giggle of grade schoolers passing around a secret
It was the mirthless laugh of someone who has seen things that he wishes he hadn't
And everyday his conscience felt a little more remorse
He smiled at his victims
Not the cheerful smile of an optimist, and not the relieved smile of achieving a goal
It was the crazed smile of a psychopath
Mirror, MirrorMirror, Mirror, on the wall,
Who is truly the prettiest of them all.
For it can't be I, because of what I see,
staring back at me.
I look in the Mirror, and suck in my gut,
maybe now I wont be called plump.
Hiding the cuts on my wrist, which, even in disbelief,
were given by non other than me.
Starting with cold stone eyes, at a body never touched by a man
but, I'm still called a slut.
What would it take,
Mirror of mine.
To see the me, My parents dreamed me to be,
instead of the me, of those who don’t give a damn about the real me
I curl up in bed,
telling myself that its all in my head.
But, Mirror, Mirror, so divine,
how could it all be a lie?
If even I, have stopped believing,
that I'm still me inside.
There's a burning pain
within my soul
that tears me apart once again
and keeps me from feeling whole.
I have this fear
that has buried itself inside.
Yet, only a single tear
falls without pride.
But of course, I can't be proud
of this pain that I feel
that cries out loud
making itself known and real.
I don't know what to do
with the pain I feel right now.
I'm trying to be strong for you,
but I don't really know how.
I just want this chaos to end
and for this stress to go away,
so my heart I can mend
and finally be able to say
that I am going to be alright.
That this burning pain will leave
and I'll be able to sleep at night
with my heart on my sleeve.
I Don't KnowI Don't Know
I don't know what to do anymore.
My hope has crashed to the floor.
I can't stand to my feet
for I have admitted to defeat.
The others think it's strange
that I'm afraid things will change
and they claim I'm losing my mind
because joy and peace I can't find.
Can I really help that I fear
having to face another tear
falling down my cheek again
because this pain just won't end?
I don't know what do today
or if I'll be okay.
I just want to feel
like joy and peace is real.
<da:thumb id="475350046"/> Misery Loves CompanyMisery Loves Company
Misery loves company,
don't you know?
And pain, it demands to be felt.
<da:thumb id="475374659"/> Dear WhomeverDear Whomever
Dear whomever chooses to read this,
Life is hard. Really hard, actually.
But I'm sure you've figured that out already.
I mean, who doesn't know?
I'd be really surprised if someone thought it was easy;
life that is.
As you can see,
this is no poem.
This is my words on paper,
or screen for that matter,
that have no rhyme scheme
and no real pattern.
I'm just writing for the sake of writing
because I need to get things out.
I don't think I will ever understand
why bad things happen to good people,
or why I can't ever
seem to be happy.
In all honesty,
I don't want to live in this broken world.
I want to disappear for a time
and come back when the chaos is gone.
But that can't happen,
can it?
No, it cannot.
Just as everyone else,
I am to live in this world
and struggle to get through the pain
Tell me...
do you, my reader, find it hard
to live in this world?
Or maybe, is it just me?
No, I can't be the only one
who feels this way.
I pray that God
shows his plan and soon
<da:thumb id="475450041"/><da:thumb id="475472711"/> The line between good and evilA mask is what I wear everyday,
The scars of my body are unseen to the world,
While I look cheery and happy on the outside,
Inside is a forever starting war,
The good and evil always fight,
They doth care what they do to my mind,
They poison my mind,
Scar my body,
Lose my faith in my beliefs,
I can't go on,
I want to let go,
Let the pain go away,
The one that no one knows about,
It would be so much easier to leave,
Then the battlefield will fade to red,
I did try to keep myself from drowning,
But it doesn't help that I'm being pulled under by my insanity.
I do try to hold on to that little sanity I have left,
But I'm lost, I don't know who I am anymore,
I'm losing a battle I never started,
I've been fighting for so long,
I don't know what happiness is anymore,
I don't believe in love, so others cannot feel my burden,
I want to be free and the only way to do that,
Is to fall deep into darkness,
And that I have done,
And now I'm all alone,
By myself in the dark,
Know I feel like I can't
I Wish I CriedThe day that they died
I wish I had cried
I lost something I had
I never thought I’d go bad
As my soul falls apart
My body won’t take part
There’s nothing I can do now
Maybe you would know how
It’s been months since that day
I wish that they could stay
But I know that I had cried
I cried on the inside
All I Can Do08/13/2014 9:30pm
All I can do:
All I can do is think of you.
Holding me.
Kissing me.
Making me yours.
The first time we made love, Still rings through my head.
The feel of your lips on my neck.
The touch of your hands on my body.
The way you made me feel.
The morning after I lie awake. Wondering when I would see you again.
Thinking of the night before I lay there a smile upon my face.
20 months later......
All I can do is think of you.
Holding me.
Kissing me.
Me being yours.
Me loving you completely.
I love you so very much and am proud to be yours each and every day.
The Wicked One:The wicked one:
She sits in her room and wonders how she will go on, Now that her one true love was gone. To a man that don't treat her right.
He don't hold her tight at night. And he don't miss her when she is away.
The wicked one cast's a spell for him to go to hell.
And for them to run away forever, Never to return.
She blows out the candles and puts them away, Crosses herself and lays down in bed.
The next day she gets up and goes about her day, As if nothing has happened.
She dont want anyone to know her secret, She is the wicked one.
Powerful enough to change anything, How she wants.... When she wants.
As time goes on (Ripples in the pond)As time goes on:
Reflections as I look into the stream,
My reflections starring back at me.
I know I am not what I used to be,
But Iam always changing who I am.
Like the ripples in the pond,
I change....
As time goes on.
Flowers For Mom:Flowers for mom:
Spring time is here,
The air is getting hot.
Flowers are blooming all around me.
I pick two vases out of the cupboard and go into the yard.
Roses and Daisy s.
White, Purple and pink.
In each vase gone from my yard, but not without a trace.
Some in the house, With candles and a picture.
The rest go to the cemetery.
March 23rd, The day she passed away.
But, She will always and forever be in my memory.
My Love:My Love:
Love is a faded word to take.
When I cannot live without the stars in your eyes.
The pain in your eyes.
The enchanting tears that make me so weak, With one UN-dying wish.
To sacrifice all I have. To hold your hand, To never see you cry.
Stolen Angel:Stolen Angel:
You are my mother,
That I will never deny.
But, You are also my angel,
And for you I will always cry.
You left this earth too soon,
It was not your time to die.
You left this world too soon,
If it was up to me, you would still be alive.
They came down from heaven, And stole you away from me.
They came down from heaven and took my angel away.
So here I write this sign, And place it on the wall.
I write this sign for all.
Stolen Angel:
Please bring my mommy back,
I need her in my life.
And without her i feel I cannot go on.
Please bring my angel back, For her I will give my all.
There Was a TimeThere Was a Time
There was a time 
when I was happy.
Months, no, maybe a year
ago when things were peaceful.
There was a time 
when I was innocent.
The world hadn't yet
corrupted me into thinking like them.
There was a time
when I felt free
to be whoever I wanted to be.
Now I feel like I'm a puppet.
There was a time
when things were good
and I was in love with life.
But that was only for a time.
I BrokeI Broke
I broke last night.
I couldn't fight
the pain inside
and I lost my pride.
I fell into tears,
giving way to my fears.
Wondering if he'd stay
or if today was the day
when things went from bad
to worse; to make me sad.
I began to lose hope
and through pain couldn't cope.
Everyone thinks I'm being a goof,
but pain comes along and *poof*.
Down came my wall
as I began to fall
into the depths of despair
and there is no hope there.
No longer knowing what to do,
I prayed that it was true,
that God's promise will reign
and there will be an end to this pain,
that things will be alright
even in the night.
Why Is It Always Me?Why Is It Always Me?
Why am I the one to wait
for an answer from him
day and night?
Why am I the one to listen
when no one really
listens to me?
Why am I the one to be there
when I always feel
so alone?
Why am I the one to encourage
when I can't even find
hope of my own?
Why am I the one to love
and always have
to be afraid?
Why am I the one who stays
when everyone else
just walks away?
Why am I the one to be lonely
and feel like I'm breaking
and need to fake a smile?
Black InkBlack Ink

Ink of raven black
flowing from the tip of the pen
and marking her white skin
like pen on paper.
Her arms are a black and white
printed page.
Lines run back and forth
stretching from side to side.
There is no red marker
of her flowing blood.
Just black lines
here and there.
She doesn't cut the paper
that is her skin.
But she'll write
and write to heart's content.
She can't tear the paper,
it's already been taped together
too many times.
But something feels right when there are lines.
So with ink of raven black
flowing from the tip of her pen
she marks her white skin
like pen on paper.
<da:thumb id="475670099"/> I'm Running AwayI’m running away,
I’ve decided to escape into my dreams.
I will live there with Him so that I will never have to be without. He is my day and my night and my whole reason for LIFE.
I was DEAD before He came along. I live a half-life, a cursed life now that He is gone.
We met on the day of love, so ironically celebrated by a nation that spares everyone none. I haven’t stopped loving Him since.
I know he  knows what I feel inside and what I know to be true. I just can’t get to Him quick enough for my raging mind.
I’m slowly slipping into an eternal abyss of urges and angers. I say things I don’t mean and mean things I don’t say.
All the while He lurks in my mind, in the shadows and unseen. I glimpse the white tip of his tail from time to time but never more.
I am barely sated by the quickly whispered contents of a device that only divides. I am lost without His laughter, without His healing touch.
He sits among friends and laughs the night i
<da:thumb id="475681071"/> PhilophobiaPhilophobia
To put this simply,
I'm philophobic.
I'm scared to love
and I'm scared to be loved.
Because I've been
too many times.
So one by one,
I'm stacking up bricks
to rebuild this wall
and to keep to myself.
I've been lied to
and led on
too much
and I can't handle it anymore.
I'm the girl who's
I'm scared to love
and terrified to be loved
because anyone
who says they love me
has just lied
and left me to bleed.
<da:thumb id="475685403"/><da:thumb id="475688397"/><da:thumb id="475691840"/> When Will You Love MeMaybe when I’m dead and gone – we can get along
If you could read every word written down in my song
You would have to accept that you will never be right
And thus, forever be wrong…
When will you love me – I wonder still, if you can
Don’t you dare judge me or question my plan
To give myself to god and become more than a man.
If we happen to meet again in the after-life
Would you even care for all the love that I sacrificed?
Every NightImagination
Let MeLet me love you.
Let me hold you close,
Wipe your tears,
Stroke your cheek,
And adore you.
Let me fall at your feet
And worship you.
Let me kiss you,
Tender and soft,
Reverent and chaste.
Let me fill my days
With all that you are,
And my nights
With all I can give.
You don't have to love me,
You don't owe me anything.
But when the tables are turned,
When it comes to loving you,
Let me.
My dreams and wishes
Pounding inside my skull
Everyday their shouts ring out
So I just ignore them.
A day at a time
Week after week
Too many shattered dreams and broken wishes to count
All screeching like owls cooped up in my head
i cover my ears
to block it all out
What to doIt hurts when you fall for someone
And they fall with you
But you can’t be with them at the moment
So you just have to wait
Days, months, years
Until one day you can try again
But you don’t know if they’ll still be there
Or if either of you have changed too much to fit together again
And there’s so much waiting
It’s painful to say goodbye
When you might be able to say hello again
Because that gnawing in your stomach everyday
Is like, “Maybe I’ll see them tomorrow”
And in the end, you’re either destroyed
Or you made it and you can be with them
And its the best thing ever
But you don’t know which
And it’s anxiety everyday for however long it takes
An extremely long battle you’re not even sure you’ll win
But you pray every night that you will
And this is your life now
<da:thumb id="475688866"/><da:thumb id="475611391"/> Broken SmilesBroken smiles and empty hellos
Beneath my skin, a soul bellows
Not too loud, but not too quiet
Yet enough for thoughts in mind cause riot.
Broken smiles and perfect skin
Opening up and crying is treated as sin
Hope filled sighs and dangerous intimacy
Nourish a part of me unconditionally.
Broken smiles and temporary moments,
And me thinking you’re my only component.
But most of all, that broken smile
The one that keeps me hidden for a while.
The layer of protection I always seek
If only there was something to make it complete.
<da:thumb id="475649635"/>

(These are put in order of when I added them, the top being my oldest, and the bottom being my most recent.)


Damn. I don't usually do edits so late after posting the journal, but holy fuck, there are so many people who've had their days brightened just by this one journal entry. I did not expect to wake up to so many happy people, It's something over 20 people that commented, and I tried to reply to all of them and then some. ;) I'm just really happy I could make so many people smile, I haven't been this happy in a long-ass time and I'd like to thank everyone for that. I hope you all get a notification on this edit, just to know that I acknowledge your existence and am now having a better night/morning (It's fucking 23:48 here)! :D

Add a Comment:
GoGo-Ghosty Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for another feature~ ♥
I'm glad my poetry helped you
and thanks for the encouragement, I really needed it ,,.3.,,
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries!
And I'm glad I helped you(with the encouragement) too! c:
GoGo-Ghosty Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student General Artist
yaaaaay. helping friends -throws happy confetti-
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I didn't know I was considered that. ^^;
It means a lot to hear that though, so thanks. :tighthug:
-throws moar happy confetti-
GoGo-Ghosty Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Student General Artist
oh! I'm sorry if I made things awkward! orz;;;;

EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehehe, I didn't find it awkward at all.
GoGo-Ghosty Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Student General Artist
ok! thanks for saying so .v.
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Katragoness Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww. Thank you. :) I'm glad my poetry helped you. 
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No need to thank me. ^^;
And I'm glad that you're glad. :D
Katragoness Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Meow :3 
SEH-art Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014
Thank you for featuring my poem again!
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries! ^^;
cyanoticshade Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
*Squeel* 8DDDD
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
MorningRuins Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Many thanks mate. I will surely check out these other fine deviants as well.
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Please do! ^^;
PyroAshes Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the mention
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem. ^^;
ImmortalAChaos Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014
Thanks for mentioning "Then I Could Die" Really appreciate it mate, also thanks for adding my other poem as well. c: :huggle: 
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries. ^^;
VillainiaEcks Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankyou for mentioning my poem! I appreciate it a lot. ^w^
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem. ^^;
The-Archaeon Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! Thank you very much for the mention, and to be featured alongside so many amazing works is a true honour! :D:D:D

I'm happy that you were able to connect with my poem, and I hope anyone else who happens upon it enjoys it as well :)

And I'll definitely keep on writing, thanks again, absolutely made my day! :D
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries! ^^;
I'm happy I was able to make you feel this way. :D
Honestly, I've been having a good time since I posted this, (mostly, anyways) because I made so many people feel happy and accepted. ^u^
I feel good for making other people feel good. :P
The-Archaeon Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad mine and others' happiness is infectious then...! :)

I hope the feeling lasts for you :)
Moona-Night Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I just wanted to say thank you so much for mentioning me! I'm really happy that my poem has helped you in a way! I'm so happy right now :iconpelvicthrustplz: ! again thank you :iconsupertighthugplz: <3 <3  
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries! Sweating a little... 
Moona-Night Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
haha sorry i'm just really happy! :)
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe it's fine.
I'm happy I made you happy! :D
Hidden by Commenter
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sure it does. :D
HYBRiD-eMPReSS Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahhh, thank you so much for mentioning me here, sweetheart <3
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries. 
LuvZelda Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Dude you are awesome!! Thanks for featuring >.< was it really that REAL wow ok lol we are friends now ITS NOT OPTIONAL
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha okay! :D
I'm totally fine with this. >u<
LuvZelda Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hah! Lol kk
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Have fun with that watch. ^u^
LuvZelda Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
AAHH R U TRYING TO KILL ME WITH YOUR KINDNESS OR SOMETHING THANK YOU FOR WATCHING ME! >~< im not going to watch you NOPE im gonna stalk you! *thats where i got the name slendergirl... thanks anyways^.^
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries. ^^;
You're not going to stalk me if I stalk you first. > : D
But yeah, I would be delighted if you stalked me. x)
LuvZelda Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
haha u sure you want that >~<
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm pretty sure. xP
(1 Reply)
AnaInTheStars Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Professional Writer
thank you for adding my poem to your list. I am glad it touched you and helped you :)
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries, and thank you. ^^;
Captain160298 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, thank you so much! This made me so happy! :D The fact that it could have had a contribution to helping you is just amazing for me. I hope that if you're going through some shitty times that you feel better :) Once again, thank you very much.
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries. ^^;
And here's to hoping, I guess.
Captain160298 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes here's to hoping because sometimes that's all you have left, stay strong my friend :)
EmbraceTheDisco Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
...thank you...
Captain160298 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
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Submitted on
August 15, 2014


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